apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
