So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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