Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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