i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
