I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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