Everything about him screamed your future.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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