Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
