you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
