so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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