I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
there is puke in my bra ... again
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
