his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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