so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
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