I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
