A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
