Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
