Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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