He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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