I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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