Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
