The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Randomize
