New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
