i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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