this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
