Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
