I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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