i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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