: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
