I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
