do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
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