I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
