i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
