your room smells of hookers.
And success
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
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