I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
My vagina just clenched in fear
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
