That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
