She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
