I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
