so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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