first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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