Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
