we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
