The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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