I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
