All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Sex in the backyard? Check.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
