Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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