why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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