Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I deserve this hangover.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
