OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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