Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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