We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
