Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
