Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
